When I think about last year, it seems like the year has passed by way to fast. I remember being in third grade, thinking one whole year took an eternity to get over with. I also remember teachers and other adults always saying that as you grow up, the years tend to go by faster. I never thought they would go by faster for me, but I was wrong.

A new year is close now. I remember last New Years so perfectly. I remember the things that went through my mind, and all the special goals I wanted to accomplish, funny, how all of the goals died too quickly. I wanted to confess my mind to somebody but then emotions turned into something else, and now I have no need to speak of it, which is really all for the best, I don’t mind. I also wanted to be more patient with myself and others, that idea is pretty much fail as well. Haha… So many things change in one year, so many things stay the same. Goals for the next year? I have none. I realize when I make a goal, I only end up forgetting it in a month or so. My mind is constantly changing, so to make personal goals is like… I don’t even know. Do I just suck at making goals? Or is it another thing that gets better as you get older. When I get older, will I know how to achieve such goals?

Really, it seems like just yesterday I saw my cousin for the last time. Thinking back to that moment makes me feel warm :) I hope to see him again in the future. I always feel sad when December comes to an end. I don’t know why… maybe because it’s like you have to start over, or anew. ~But that can also be a good thing. I don’t even much enjoy the holidays anymore. They become too much of a hassle I think. I would like to travel one Christmas to some far away place, and not have to worry about anything at all. I want nothing this year. I get tired of daily routine, and somehow, Christmas has become a part of that routine.

Anyways, I am tired of this slow ass wifi, and I want to freaking watch WishBone. WTH youtube, you fail at capturing the 90’s.

I had so much fun :) I had been waiting for this since October, maybe a little longer :)We took a bus, picked up Li Lao Shi's (our Chinese teacher) other class from College Park High School, and then headed off to China Town in Houston. :)

The first stop was the 99 Ranch Market, which is like the HEB of Asian people, it was amazing :) They were all so friendly to us, they gave us a tour and a free meal which was so yummy! There was this one shop with so many amazing jewelries and knock off brand names, I was so spazzing over the cuteness :) -even if they were knock offs. the bakery there, was so cool. A single slice of fancy cake was only 2.99. I wanted to get one but I had already spent a good amount on one of the necklaces from the jewelry shop, I had only $15. So I decided to wait and save the rest of my money.

The next stop was a shopping square at the real China Town area, there we split up into groups again and we walked into a video shop, which I had no idea who was who. Haha. but I did find a S.H.E cd, but didn't buy it, although it was cheap 4.99 for 10 songs :) And then we wandered into an Italian ice cream place (in China Town?) and I got a 4 flavored ice cream thing, It was petty cheap, but i started to regret it later on, but then realized it was okay, since I tried new flavors :D

After that, we headed into the talent show! :) I took several videos, witch I am still uploading haha. Check out my channel if you want. And there, we got to see other high school students preform. There were so many HAWT Asian guys, man you don't even know... maybe you do but anyways... haha XD While we got a bit tired of watching, my group wandered off into a book store, where all the books and magazines were purely in Chinese character, it was cool to see. We bought a few things there, and I, with the extra money I had, spent the rest :) And then we got a free red tote bag that the people handed out :)

After the show, it was time to go. I was so bummed out, I wanted to stay longer haha. Our teacher says that next year we might be able to go to real China :) that would be so much fun, I am very excited for that :) So happy our school offers this class. Mrs. Lee is the best teacher ever :)

My channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/emirushadow

It’s funny, when I hear that phrase, I think about a suicide letter or something.

But no, I'm just going to talk indirectly to the world right now.

I am not perfect, I will never be perfect. I realized this ling ago. I try so hard to live up to peoples standards, my mother, my father, my friends, and even myself… it doesn’t work. And I accept that. I can’t read minds, even though some people think I look like I can, I don’t know what’s wrong in your world. Honestly, do I care? I’m in this for myself first. It’s about me. I have my own problems to fix.

I’m sorry that I can’t be the super being that you want me to be. I’m sorry I can’t devote every moment of my life with you. I’m sorry for not being able to laugh like others do.

I am a thinker. I think about things but only to myself. And only I know and understand these things. I could never truly share my thoughts for they are too harsh and cold. I can’t tell you the truth, I can’t tell the world the truth, but this is the way we all are.

Its not my fault… is it? We all make mistakes, some more than others. I see myself as one who hardly makes any and when I do I beat myself up for it. I am obsessed with being too perfect. I don’t ever want to be late, I don’t ever want to lose track of time, I font ever want to forget a promise, or a favor. And I freak out when my buttons fall off.

I honestly don’t know my point… but I am not perfect you are not perfect; the person next door is not perfect. I am aware but I need to accept it in depth.

I will never be what you want me to be, only what I want to make of myself. I do not belong to you. I need air to breathe. I cannot be there all the time. I can’t be the thing you expect.

I like this question. Art is my passion. With art, I think about music and fashion.
To me the two go hand in hand. Fashion is so important to me not only because I want to be a designer when I grow up, but because I realize it's one of the only things that makes me feel happy. Its strange :)And music is important because Its another self expression, but it doesn't really mean you are what you listen to, and fashion is never what you wear.
you make the clothing, the clothing doesn't make you
You make the music, the music doesn't make you.
(half ass answer, I'm in a rush for no reason)

I found out yesterday that we have 2 new doggies. They are so adorable. Yea its weird how I live in this house, not realizing that there are 2 new puppies in my backyard.

SO I was alone yesterday, wich is fine, I love to be alone in the house, no noise, nobody to bother me. And I look at Diamond, our pit bull. Then I notice 2 other little creatures.

I'm like, are they lost? Are we waching them for somebody? So I go outside and pet them. The dark brown one is so soft! I didnt get to touch the lighter one though. I shall post pictures as soon as I get one that is presentable ^o^

So then I call my mom, and ask her who they belong to, and she says they are ours.

Haha :) funny huh?

The original, and my edit version. haha XD I had this idea last night, but I kept on messing up so I decided to do it today :)

~oh, yea that's a picture of me btw, duh :)
KEKEKEKE XD

I love ONEW haha XD

~he's from the kpop boy group SHINee.
Listen to them. :)

I'm so addicted.
I'ts like DeviantART, but for clothing.
It's so cute. And I find myself on it almost all day.
haha XD

But what it is, you take pictures of your cloths, and post them. You can favorite other's items (the action is called Suteki) and you can comment them too. When you post new cloths, comment, or dress up your Poupee (that's your little verision of you) you get ribbons (wich is money) and you use them to buy items for your poupee. To some that may not sound exciting, but for a fashion crazed mofo loviing person like myself, it's the coolest thing :)

So if you want to see my style, and the types of things I like to wear, check out my closet :]

So yea, make an account! Its so much fun. ~for me, I hope it is for you too.

So thanksgiving.. Honestly, I don't like it. Why does it take one day for others to realize all the things they are thankful for? HMMM? I go through a lot of the things I have and I become aware, I let myself know that I am grateful for what I have.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to be with family, why, I don't know. Maybe I just don't like the yelling and complaining. But the holidays always end up the same, not good. You know what it is? I think its my step-dad. Yea play the "Evil Step-dad" card... But I think its true.. GOSH. But today, didn't go as bad as I thought.

So, let me fill you in on part of my life's story.
My little brother, 13, is kind of special ed, if you know what I mean. And so during the summer, the state took custody (for reasons I will not say) and now he's living in a home with a few other kids like him. So the last time I saw him was during the summer, I left to go visit my dad, and wasn't able to see him one last time(also didn't see him for his birthday.) . So I'll admit, hes a pain and makes everything hard, and he steals my things, and breaks them... But there is an empty place now. There is no more noise like there used to be, no more toys laying around the floor -actually there still are, but they're not his toys.

Yes, life is easier for ME. But its hard on my mom. My step-dad got mad at me last week because I never comfort her and I never tell her that "I'm here for you." Sorry, I was never comforted so Its not my fault I don't know how to make somebody feel better.

So today, being thanksgiving and all, we finally went to go see him. Hes so much taller... Even more than me and I'm 16. He was very shaky because of all the medication they give him (he has anger problems and they also give him meds to help him go to sleep) It was awkward to be there. In a house, with other kids, who seemed happy, but you never know what its like on the other side. It was awkward to be there, all of us not talking much. It was awkward to be there, and me not being able to be a good sister, not being able to comfort my own brother, who has gone through so much. We weren't even there for too long. I think we were there for about 40 minutes. I would like for my family to stay longer if I were him. Mom said next week we would visit again. I think I should go. If I cant tell him I care, I should at least show up. ~show him?

If I could change anything in my life, I think I would have changed myself. I wish I could be someone who loves to be around her family, someone who laughs freely. Someone who can talk about anything with her parents. But why didn't I turn out that way? Where did I go wrong... I feel bad because I'm not close to my family, the ones I see everyday, the only ones who really care about me *according to the stepfather.

This taught me something. I'm not too sure what it is. But I am grateful. I already know I have gratitude. I'm glad I have a mom who tries her best. I'm glad I have great health. I'm thankful for this life, even though many times I wish I didn't have it. But I know its my job to keep it, because this world is for me. This world is for all of us and we have to take care of it.

Happy Thanksgiving. Think about the things around you everyday, not just on this day.

The first things... I always log on to my social networks.
I check myspace, deviantart, gaiaonline, my email accounts, and all that

After I finish that, I start to google anything that I feel is necessary haha.
And then I youtube things, while getting back to my networks :)

Pretty basic... And if Im not on the internet, Im just listening to my music, photo editing, or writing in Microsoft word :)

These questions are always hard for me to answer, so I always have to think about it for a while... The perfect gift for somebody who has everything..

I would give them nothing, but I would spend time with them.
If they have everything, then they have no need for a gift, but I would think the best gift would be time together.

~cheesey, no?